# "Old Timers" words of wisdom.



## D.Foster (Sep 13, 2008)

" Its colder than a nun doin pushups in the snow wearin a tin bra"


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## tcleve4911 (Mar 26, 2006)

Cold enough to chip a nipple :blink:


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## ribuilder (Jan 10, 2009)

IT AINT YOUR GIRLFRIEND....HIT IT!!!!! (when a greenhorn has no swing!)


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## D.Foster (Sep 13, 2008)

ribuilder said:


> IT AINT YOUR GIRLFRIEND....HIT IT!!!!! (when a greenhorn has no swing!)


 Or.... Hit it with your purse!!! I always liked that one.


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## ribuilder (Jan 10, 2009)

and my fav..."Wrong nail greenhorn" ..heard that a few times in my early days


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## ribuilder (Jan 10, 2009)

D.Foster said:


> Or.... Hit it with your purse!!! I always liked that one.


 
Hey Foster...YOU used to say that to me....it still hurts:sad:


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## D.Foster (Sep 13, 2008)

Sorry Big D,.. It was necessary:laughing:


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## ribuilder (Jan 10, 2009)

Listen....Ok.....maybe


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## D.Foster (Sep 13, 2008)

HAHAHA. We can only say it cuz it was said to us!!:jester:


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## D.Foster (Sep 13, 2008)

Or" Its hotter than runnin through hell in gasoline underwear"


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## Frankawitz (Jun 17, 2006)

When I made some off the wall remark, my old man would say "You talk like a person with a paper ass*hole":whistling or "Don't let your alligator mouth overload your humming bird brain" or when he wanted a tool "Hey hand me that What-cha-ma-call-it":thumbup: or "If you had a brain you'd take it out and play with it":blink: or "You wouldn't say sh*t if you had a mouth full of it":sad: referring to something someone did wrong and saying it was wrong. Then you have about life, "Sh*t in one hand and Wish in the other and tell me which one will fill up faster would you?"


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## neolitic (Apr 20, 2006)

You guys might wanna
check this one out.
http://www.contractortalk.com/f22/wt-funniest-you-ever-heard-said-22240/


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## rustyjames (Aug 28, 2008)

"haste makes waste"

"hey the fish are biting over here" when you need a lot of people for a task.


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## nailman (Sep 4, 2008)

Get his number and call him on your own time.


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## strathd (Jan 12, 2009)

I only made one major mistake....... Getting in the framing bussiness LOL


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## WilsonRMDL (Sep 4, 2007)

"I've been doing this since before you were even a gleam in your daddy's eye"

"I've hung more doors than you've walked through"


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## A W Smith (Oct 14, 2007)

*The "good old days" when a guy could physically assault a BO*

The Lithuanian guys father who I talked about in this post

Keep in mind this guy fled Lithuania towing a portable sawmill through Nazi Germany during ww2 and fled to Poland.

During an inspection of one of the hundreds of homes he framed during the sixties, again with a heavy Lithuanian accent

Picks up building inspector by shoulders and slams him against a wall

"You tell ME how to frame houses??!! I frame houses when you was in papas balls!!"

that particular inspector never came back, from then on they sent a substitute.


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## K2 (Jul 8, 2005)

"Yes you can borrow my saw but don't get blood all over it"


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## drako (Jan 19, 2009)

It's easier to cut more off than to cut MORON. (tag line)


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## apkole (Mar 18, 2006)

"One boy is half a help, two boys are no help at all." (Grandfather who was part of my roofing education.)


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## strathd (Jan 12, 2009)

one of mine is " if you move much slower your gonna put me to sleep"
"how can you see with all those tears in your eyes"


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## skyhook (Mar 17, 2007)

Measure twice, cut once.

Work smarter, not harder.


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## jcw3013 (May 2, 2006)

The more I teach you the dumder I get.

It's hotter then ten faggets in a phone booth.


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## Mr. Mike (Dec 27, 2008)

a55holes and elbows boy's that all I want to see!


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## roof-lover (Sep 19, 2008)

Bill Z said:


> When things are really, really bad, don't get too excited...'cause they'll get good again. And when things are really, really good... don't get too excited....'cause they'll get bad again. (an old contractor, apparently explaining the cycles of the economy)


i think i'm going to stop reading this thread right here.
And just read this post over and over again.


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## roof-lover (Sep 19, 2008)

I'm sorry i cant remember the person to give credit to
I think it was another roofer in the forums recently.
but i'll never forget it.

More Paw, less Jaw.


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## Willie T (Jan 29, 2009)

When sending me after something: "Turn your hat around so I'll think you're on your way back."

After I did a stupid thing: "Ya gotta be smarter than what you're workin' on."

"That's as crooked as a dog's hind leg."

"I would have been a painter, but I don't like wine."

"I been ta three County fairs, two pig wrestlins, and a Gypsy goat ropin', and I've never seen anything THAT bad!" (Ok, I'll admit he didn't use "Gypsy".)

One particular anoying old fart used to say this: "Son, you give me the drizzlin' sh*ts!"

"Taught him everything I know, and he STILL doesn't know anything."

"It only costs a nickel more to go first class." (I've tried to live by this one.)


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## DRC (Dec 4, 2008)

You can fall all you want but if you hit the ground you're fired.


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## Lew (Dec 3, 2006)

The best way to gain experience.... Pay Attention.

Do it right the first time

Any job worth doing is worth doing right

Do what you say, and do it when you said you would


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## rustyjames (Aug 28, 2008)

For someone who's a tightwad: He (or she) can squeeze a nickel and watch the Indian ride the buffalo.


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## skyhook (Mar 17, 2007)

Copper wire was invented by 2 lawyers fighting over a penny.


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## tcleve4911 (Mar 26, 2006)

"Hard work is often the easy work you did not do at the proper time.":blink:


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## loneframer (Feb 13, 2009)

You are the luckiest trim carpenter I know, caulk tubes come with a small tip on one end and yours on the other.


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## loneframer (Feb 13, 2009)

Big Al used to say, as we were laying down 3/4 T&G plywood, "Get out of the way, or you'll be a bump in the floor."

"I'm tired of working with murderers and rapists, all you guys do is KILL time and F%&* the boss."

Frankie B., while painting door casing; "I always use two coats, I brush up, I brush down, two coats."


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## kycontractor (Feb 8, 2009)

On a cheap client: "He's got a Nickel in his ass trying to grind it into a dime!!"

On driving: "Son, I've backed up more miles than you've drove forward!"


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## loneframer (Feb 13, 2009)

I remember as a kid with my dad in a hardware store, a sign on the cash register.
HELEN WAITE IS OUR CREDIT MANAGER.
IF YOU NEED CREDIT, GO TO HELEN WAITE.


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## skyhook (Mar 17, 2007)

loneframer said:


> I remember as a kid with my dad in a hardware store, a sign on the cash register.
> HELEN WAITE IS OUR CREDIT MANAGER.
> IF YOU NEED CREDIT, GO TO HELEN WAITE.


:laughing: 
Credit makes enimies, let's be friends.


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## Max Nomad (Aug 29, 2008)

Here's a couple from my grandfather. Most of 'em he'd told me before I was a teenager but they didn't make sense until years later after I'd gone into business:

*"The best criminals wear suits."*

*"All money ain't good money." *
(sometimes the headache-per-dollar or compromising your morals/ethics makes it the smart move to turn down some jobs)

And here's one from my father:

*"Never drive faster than you can think."*


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## skyhook (Mar 17, 2007)

"If you're getting all the jobs, you're bidding too low".


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## dayexco (Mar 4, 2006)

you could fug up a wet dream in a whore house


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## PA woodbutcher (Mar 29, 2007)

MetalBender said:


> On estimates: You shear sheep, pigs go to slaughter.


Or..."you can shear a sheep many times, but you can only skin him once"


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## Bkessler (Oct 8, 2005)

One that applies to CA mostly "are you a mexi can or a mexi can't?


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## nedpelger (Feb 21, 2009)

*Smells Like Money to Me*

When I started in this business, I worked on sewage treatment plant construction and renovation projects (prevailing wage projects). When we were working around a pungent pit, one of the old guys would say, "That may smell like Sh*t to you, but it smells like money to me." 

Also, the used condoms would float just under the surface and were called "Hollywood Trout".


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## floorinstall (Sep 8, 2007)

If you were half as good as you think, you would be twice as good as you are.

If you polish a turd all you get is shinny sh**:w00t:


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## codaman (Oct 15, 2008)

To his son when he did something stupid "When we get home, I'm gonna punch your mother", to the crew "it ain't gonna get built looking at it", and from his perch on the porta john "You can't do it that way!" (Yes, he would yell at everyone while on the dumper, always kept the door open so he could watch!). To me "You nail like lightning.....you never hit the same place twice". And no matter what, if there was a problem, without even thinking about it, he would reach for his hammer. He was crazy, but not an a**hole. I liked this gut a lot. RIP HH


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## thefencepost (Aug 18, 2008)

It's nor a quote, but I once had a cardboard mailbox built outside a room I was trimming out when I was first working as an apprentice in the electrical field. Took me almost all day to get the joke! They even put my name on it and a number like it was my house!

"Put some hair around that hole so you can find it!"

"Go get the clear touch up paint out of the job trailer!"

"I've forgotten more than you'll ever learn!"

"Oh, you're one of those helpers that should have been hired as the foreman!"


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## Quality1st (Jul 24, 2008)

*Giddy Up*

It may be short but its as big around as a can of corn.
I was doing this trade when you were kicking the slates out of you crib We may be cocky but we,re goooood,.


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## OW! My thumb (Feb 12, 2009)

My buddies drunk dad, Old Man Mo-Wack-y. when addressing the crew (in a very bad Pittsburgh accent)..
"What are yuns,....fvcking stupid or something?!!!"


When I was on pumpjacks, holding a piece of siding in place that couldve been marked at least on 7 or 8 edges...

Not being specific at all.....
Old Man "Mark that edge"
Me, pointing at it "Here?"
Old man "No"
Me, moving to another 'edge' "Here?"
Old man "NO"
Me "Here?"
Old man "NO!"
Me "Here??"
Old Man"NOOO!!!"
Me "HERE?"
Old man "Yeah, throw it down"

:furious::furious::furious::furious::furious:


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## skyhook (Mar 17, 2007)

Well that's about as handy as a shirt pocket.


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## ToolNut (Aug 9, 2012)

chalk -that means you cut it wrong
Just because you've been doing it for 5 years don't mean you've been doing it right for 5 year
Try another hammer there sure as hell must be something wrong with that one
What do you mean your cold the heat is in the tools work a faster you'll get warm.


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## Driftweed (Nov 7, 2012)

In there like a hair in a biscuit


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## dom-mas (Nov 26, 2011)

When I had a bad idea.

`Well I could sh!t in my hand and run it through my hair too"

real wisdom 
"Never get too good at something you don't want to do."


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## Blkhilconst (Jul 26, 2012)

"Free don't come cheap."


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## A&E Exteriors (Aug 14, 2009)

I thought....."there's that damn t word again"

What's it matter?...."makes it look like you give a damn"

"The string don't lie." <---< best thing I ever learned

"Get his number and call him later"

After being told to go fetch a 2x4...."don't ever just bring 1 2x4 up here"

Terry Wayne Smith and James Goodbar... the 2 most ornery sobs I ever worked for. Grateful for the 18 months I learned from them, worth every single insult and miserable day.


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## A&E Exteriors (Aug 14, 2009)

Oops, forgot this one..." you better pay the f*[email protected] attention, we ain't got time for no [email protected]#$%& school out here"


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## FramingPro (Jan 31, 2010)

i heard someone say to another guy "your the only tool thats not making me money"
"greener then lettuce"
if your leaning you should be cleaning
no smoking no talking and piss while your walking


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## ToolNut (Aug 9, 2012)

Boy you have 2 ears and 1 mouth there's a reason for that. You should listen twice as much as you talk.
Did your mother ever have any kids that lived.


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## fjn (Aug 17, 2011)

*sayings*

If you don't know what what you are doing,don't try doing it here.


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## r4r&r (Feb 22, 2012)

If you get your hand hung up in a band saw don't pull it out while it's running, turn it off first. It's the only reason I still have these three fingers.


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## ryanshull (Nov 1, 2012)

When I couldn't hit the nail on the head:"looks like yer pecker's still growin" or "Hit it with your purse!"

When complaining: "go home and wash the sand outa yer p*$$y!". Or "You want me to call your gynecologist?"

"That's more f'd up than a (insert racial slur)'s checkbook!"

When taking too long: "you better start an IRA if you're gonna retire on that job alone!"

When I was messing up bad: "Why don't you just go sit in the crapper til lunch....."


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