# Anybody looking for a GREAT job!



## 2ndGen (Apr 6, 2006)

Apprentice to *master builder for high end residential construction*. All custom architectural work. 
Steady year round work for *individuals devoted to their craft*. Busy disciplined environment. 

Resume's in Word Format only. Reply by email only. Full time only. 
*Must have working cell phone, valid driver's license and own dependable transportation to work in Rockland, Putnam, Westchester Counties as well as Manhattan. *
*Must have tools for higher paid positions. *
Must be in good physical condition for work in construction environment. 
*Must be willing to travel to varied work areas in our broad region*. 

*High school diploma required. *
Legal residency required. 
*College education preferred. 
Strong math and technical skills a must*. 
Equal opportunity. Women apprentices welcome.


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## 2ndGen (Apr 6, 2006)

Wow!

Sounds like a great opportunity, right?

But wait! 

It gets better!


"Compensation: Starting wage $9 per hour."


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## 2ndGen (Apr 6, 2006)

Another Craigslist Classic!

You have to be frigin' kidding me!


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## JonM (Nov 1, 2007)

I think the toll to get into Manhattan is 9 dollars....


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## ClemS (May 4, 2009)

equal opportunity employer. gay black midgets are welcomed with open arms. 
don't miss this opportunity to catch up with your cell-phone bills.

i run an ad on craigslist once in a while, mostly for laughs. i get 150+ resumes per ad, one funnier than the next.

this one's a classic, read at your own risk for you may kill yourself laughing.... the name of respondent withheld to save him/her/it some dignity.
_
 This is a basic summary of my past work history for the past 13 years I have worked for myself off and on between the jobs listed as a contractor taking all kinds of jobs that I know that I am capable of handling. I am very capable person if I don’t know some thing I am not afraid to ask, on an extra note that over the years of working as a carpenter I have learned a little Spanish working with Spanish speaking carpenters. I am open to any reasonable hourly rate 
I was working for a company Vec construction in 5 Towns in Nassau County for 3 months as a carpenter for high end custom homes and was laid off after Thanksgiving, do to a lack of work. I have been able to find some work hear and there, but times are tuff, I am sure that I would be a great asset to the company. Thank you .


_ _ Skills: 

Mathematics - Using mathematics to solve problems.
Time Management - Managing one's own time and the time of others.
Critical Thinking - Using logic and reasoning to identify the strengths and weaknesses of alternative solutions, conclusions or approaches to problems.
Active Listening - Giving full attention to what other people are saying, taking time to understand the points being made, asking questions as appropriate, and not interrupting at inappropriate times.
Judgment and Decision Making - Considering the relative costs and benefits of potential actions to choose the most appropriate one.
 Abilities: 

Arm-Hand Steadiness - The ability to keep hand and arm steady while moving arm or while holding arm and hand in one position.
Multilimb Coordination - The ability to coordinate two or more limbs (for example, two arms, two legs, or one leg and one arm) while sitting, standing, or lying down.and while the whole body is in motion.
Trunk Strength - The ability to use your abdominal and lower back muscles to support part of the body repeatedly or continuously over time without 'giving out' or fatiguing.
Near Vision - The ability to see details at close range (within a few feet of the observer).
Information Ordering - The ability to arrange things or actions in a certain order or pattern according to a specific rule or set of rules (e.g., patterns of numbers, letters, words, pictures, mathematical operations).
Manual Dexterity - The ability to quickly move hand, your hand together with your arm, both hands to grasp, manipulate, or assemble objects.
Problem Sensitivity - The ability to tell when something is wrong or is likely to go wrong. It does not involve solving the problem, only recognizing there is a problem.
Visualization - The ability to imagine how something will look after it is moved around or when its parts are moved or rearranged.
 


Riddle llc: Self proprietor /carpenter 
Responsibilities dealing with home owner on a one on one basis to discuss home improvement and or carpentry task wanted to be preformed.  

Baltimore Canvas  
Baltimore, MD  
Title: installer 
Responsibilities removal of commercial and residential awnings repairs or replace canvas/vinyl and re install. 

West Nam Builders  
Cross river, NY 
Title: carpenter 
Responsibilities to start and finish various rough framing of large scale homes with the help of 1 to 2 helpers with basic instruction from my Foreman. 



Sollenberger framing  
Sarasota, FL 
Title: carpenter/lead carpenter 
Responsibilities review prints with Foreman of large custom waterfront homes on gulf coast layout and build with 3 to 5 carpenters under my lead. 


Denson contractioing  
North Port, FL 
Title: jobsite super /carpenter 
Responsibilities rehabilitation of hurricane damaged homes with some phases of work being performed myself and the supervision of other trades to insure the work would be done correctly and in a timely mater. 


Duwane Brown Builders 
Baltimore, MD 
Title: carpenter 
Responsibilities Construction of basic single family wood frame homes.

_


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## Leo G (May 12, 2005)

Sounds like he was busting your chops as much as you were busting his :laughing:


My favorite:


> Near Vision - The ability to see details at close range (within a few feet of the observer).


interperetted by me as "blind as a bat"


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## ClemS (May 4, 2009)

Leo G said:


> Sounds like he was busting your chops as much as you were busting his :laughing:
> 
> 
> My favorite:
> ...


he was dead serious. Had him set up for trial but he didn't show and came up with some gay excuse (the usual).
my favorite is multi-limb coordination along with trunk strength. sounds like he is in full control of mr.happy


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## ClemS (May 4, 2009)

*I want to Apprentice for a Gay House Builder (Downtown Brooklyn)*

Date: 2009-07-30, 12:55AM EDT
Reply To This Post 

Intelligent, educated artist/carpenter wants to apprentice for master builder, house construction. Hard working and looking to learn.


:blink::no::whistling


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## jtpro (May 21, 2009)

ClemS said:


> _
> 
> Manual Dexterity - *The ability to quickly move hand, your* *hand together with your arm, both hands to grasp, manipulate,* or assemble objects.
> Problem Sensitivity - The ability to tell when something is wrong or is likely to go wrong. *It does not involve solving the problem, only recognizing there is a problem.*
> _


:whistling:whistling:laughing::laughing:

I MUST take you at your word that this for real but......Well I don't watch Idol but I DO watch the auditions and if some of THOSE people think they're legit well....:no:and :laughing:


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## ClemS (May 4, 2009)

jtpro said:


> :whistling:whistling:laughing::laughing:
> 
> I MUST take you at your word that this for real but......Well I don't watch Idol but I DO watch the auditions and if some of THOSE people think they're legit well....:no:and :laughing:


im a framer i couldn't make this shat up if i wanted  me and the wife almost died laughing when i got this.

there were other good ones but this is the cream of the crop by far. some guys would copy/paste a definition of carpenter from wikipedia which is also pretty funny, but no mention of trunk strength there.

when i contacted this man and asked if he was for real, he said he's been out of work for several months and got the resume done by a resume builder in hopes of attracting work opportunities. that it did :no:


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## ChainsawCharlie (Jan 16, 2008)

> _Multilimb Coordination - The ability to coordinate two or more limbs (for example, two arms, two legs, or one leg and one arm) while sitting, standing, or lying down.and while the whole body is in motion._


Call him for man interview. Make him pat his head and rub his belly while hopping on one leg.


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## jtpro (May 21, 2009)

ClemS said:


> im a framer i couldn't make this shat up if i wanted  me and the wife almost died laughing when i got this.
> 
> there were other good ones but this is the cream of the crop by far. some guys would copy/paste a definition of carpenter from wikipedia which is also pretty funny, but no mention of trunk strength there.
> 
> when i contacted this man and asked if he was for real, he said he's been out of work for several months and got the resume done by a resume builder in hopes of attracting work opportunities. that it did :no:


Well THANK YOU for sharing the amusement!:clap:
It is now getting forwarded from my e mail. Too funny NOT to !

He must get some BIZARRE responses/requests from the "Manual Dexterity - The ability to quickly move hand, your hand together with your arm, both hands to grasp, manipulate" :whistling:laughing:

Seriously though there is an art in putting together a resume and wording it correctly.It's SAD that he uses a "builder" it gives him THAT and he can't see it as a POS. 

HOWEVER it does provide us with some comforting perspective that WE are NOT HIM! :laughing::laughing:


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## ClemS (May 4, 2009)

jtpro said:


> Well THANK YOU for sharing the amusement!:clap:
> It is now getting forwarded from my e mail. Too funny NOT to !
> 
> He must get some BIZARRE responses/requests from the "Manual Dexterity - The ability to quickly move hand, your hand together with your arm, both hands to grasp, manipulate" :whistling:laughing:
> ...


i never regret my $25 for a craiglist wanted ad. it pays for itself the first night :laughing:

i hired a total of 3 people from my craigslist activity over the past couple of years. two guys were 30ish and drifters by nature with all kinds of psychological issues. both were fairly decent mechanics, but would miss days and i don't tolerate that kind of shat.
this last kid is 23, claims to be a contractor and a know-it all. i'm riding him like a clydesdale and he's taking it pretty good. doesn't know the first thing about framing a house but is a hard worker and wants to learn. 

all in all. it's hard to find good people nowadays. i think the pop-culture is killing the trades.


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## TBFGhost (Oct 9, 2008)

_I have about 20 feet of crown molding to put up. I am a contractor and a real estate agent. I however cannot figure out the cuts despite my college education. I need someone to show up make less then 10 cuts, tools will be provided and thats it. I will take over from there. It is in one kitchen. I looked on utube and watched this old house episodes and still end up wasting 10 feet of material, at a dollar a foot my mistakes are adding up. will appreciate some help this should take about 15-20 minutes tops. _

_I am also a computer technician with numerous software, I can help out with your PC and or laptop. I own a van if you need a bed moved. I could even pay about 20 dollars, I am not being cheap its just I do this for a living, and these cuts are kicking my ass. _

_Please help as this is my parents house in secacus NJ,. IT IS LITERALLY ABOUT 18 FEET OF CROWN MOLDING. THATS IT_




*REALLY PEOPLE? REALLY?!*


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## 2ndGen (Apr 6, 2006)

TBFGhost said:


> _I have about 20 feet of crown molding to put up. I am a contractor and a real estate agent. I however cannot figure out the cuts despite my college education. I need someone to show up make less then 10 cuts, tools will be provided and thats it. I will take over from there. It is in one kitchen. I looked on utube and watched this old house episodes and still end up wasting 10 feet of material, at a dollar a foot my mistakes are adding up. will appreciate some help this should take about 15-20 minutes tops. _
> 
> _I am also a computer technician with numerous software, I can help out with your PC and or laptop. I own a van if you need a bed moved. I could even pay about 20 dollars, I am not being cheap its just I do this for a living, and these cuts are kicking my ass. _
> 
> ...


Another "you have to be f-ing kidding me" post. 



I've responded to some of these guys who DEMAND that you have own truck/tools/insurance/10 years experience who want to pay you peanuts insisting that they're some great established company.

I ask them for a website or for their company name and for proof of insurance. 

For some reason, they never get back to me. 

Wonder why?

:laughing:


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## JohnLINY (Oct 13, 2007)

NYC Craigslist is a freak show at best. I'm waiting for someone on there to list their kidney for sale or something.

Most of the traffic on there is for apartments and 'special' massages. Most of the posts in the help wanted section are a joke. They are pretty entertaining.


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## 2ndGen (Apr 6, 2006)

JohnLINY said:


> NYC Craigslist is a freak show at best. I'm waiting for someone on there to list their kidney for sale or something.
> 
> Most of the traffic on there is for apartments and 'special' massages. Most of the posts in the help wanted section are a joke. They are pretty entertaining.


NYC CL wanted ads are always looking for guys that can do EVERYTHING (carpentry, plumbing, electrical, etc...) and they want to pay you like a laborer!

Meanwhile, they are commanding the highest labor prices when they work!


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## SelfContract (Dec 6, 2007)

Talk about qualified number of "limbs" for da job, insects are qualified better than human ... for example, Spider has 8-10 legs for scrolling/screeching, Scorpion has 8 legs for moving, and Centipede has 50+ LIMBS for *SUPER_FAST* *MANUAL DEXTERITY*!! :thumbup:


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## DetailHandyman (Jul 21, 2008)

TBFGhost said:


> _. IT IS LITERALLY ABOUT 18 FEET OF CROWN MOLDING. THATS IT_


18 feet? 
Is this going in a closet?


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## KTK (Jun 18, 2009)

I live in Sarasota. Thank god he moved up there with you guys.


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