# need some advice



## keithbuilders (Mar 7, 2014)

my one guys old lady was runnin around on him and he found out now ever day since he found out hes been comin in late and smellin like a bar room and i told a million times he cant come to work like this but yet he dose he my best guy thoe i mean he my right hand man i just dont know what to do about him


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## Kent Whitten (Mar 24, 2006)

Wow


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## jproffer (Feb 19, 2005)

Fire his a$$

Right hand man or not, if he's coming in drunk (or even 'have been drinking') he's a liability to your company. One accident that he hurts someone else and you're done for.

Especially since you know about it and let him keep working.


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## littlefred811 (Dec 16, 2012)

Sad to say, but if he can't get it together, it is time for him to do something else.


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## CarpenterSFO (Dec 12, 2012)

Obviously you didn't mean it before. Tell him today that if he shows up drunk again he's fired. Tell him you're sorry about his old lady, but you aren't going to let him throw your business away. Then, tomorrow, when he shows up drunk or stinking of it, fire him.


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## [email protected] (Jan 3, 2014)

If he was my best guy/my right hand man, and had been with me awhile, I'd try to get him help. Get him into rehab, something. But yeah, under no certain circumstances can you be smelling like a brewery on the jobsite. 

Get him some help if he is that valuable to him, and make do without him in the meantime. Then if that doesn't work you know you've done all you can.


Just my .02


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## KAP (Feb 19, 2011)

When will you realize that you shouldn't let him work if he's been drinking, no matter who he is, before or after he hurts himself or someone else?

Give him a couple days off to sort through it, but tell him, when he returns, what you expect of him. Then you need to stick to it...

You are setting the standard for the rest of your company by letting your right-hand man work EVEN THOUGH you know he's been drinking...

What kind of message does that send your employees, his co-workers and your customers?...

Guess you get to be "right-hand" man for a few days or time to test his replacement should he not be able to recover...


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## greg24k (May 19, 2007)

One guy like this can put you out of business before you have a chance to blink.

If he is your best man or you go back with the guy...give him time off to get his personal sh^*t in order and straighten up... If not tell him he needs to find another job, because you cannot have anyone working for you with a hangover, drunk, being late, etc and most importantly get hurt or f'k something up.

I hope it works out.

Good luck


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## Spencer (Jul 6, 2005)

Same situation just happened to a guy I know. Was the foreman for a small local construction company. Good guy. One day his wife said she was leaving and left him with three kids. Supposedly he never saw is coming.

I wouldn't put up with someone showing up drunk. However I wouldn't throw him to the curve. It would be tough for anyone to show up and even give 70% after something like that. 

If he'll lay off the liquor support him and help him work through it. Things like this always take time to heal. If he does make it through he will be one of the most loyal employees you'll ever have because he will always know you stuck with him through the chittiest part of his life.

Sometime what we do should be about more than ourselves and our own dollars and cents. 

Readjust your company. Keep him, but put the role of the foreman on someone else and let him do simpler jobs while he's got all this crap on his mind.


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## fjn (Aug 17, 2011)

Did a search but came up empty handed however,JLC ran an article awhile back discussing distressed workers and injuries. The long and short of it was in no way should a worker experiences sever stress be allowed to work,especially around heights or power tools.


Sorry to sound hard nosed but this situation is a recipe for disaster.


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## Dave in Pa (Oct 10, 2009)

We all make mistakes, do the wrong thing from time to time! 
I would, being a right hand man, good guy so far, PULL him aside, say this is how it is!!! Give him a few days to sort out things, might have done that from what ya said, then tell him, things need to get better, and stop the bad stuff, and look to the future! He needs YOU, as well as you need HIM! He has no own to lean on now but a bar/stool! He needs a shoulder to lean on/a friend to talk to, I think?


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## CO762 (Feb 22, 2010)

What was said above, minuse the canning him as this wasn't his lifestyle, it's a situational response. Do you need anything done on your house? Support him and have him do something around your house, build you a shed, etc. Don't know if you have shared social circles, but doing things helps. Staying at home getting wasted doesn't help, nor showing up for work wasted.


Maybe tell him to not show up until 10 am, etc.


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## keithbuilders (Mar 7, 2014)

well i stop over at his house after i was done at the shop and told him take a couple days of and he broke down and cryed his heart out and he asked if he could still have his job and i said see u monday


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## CO762 (Feb 22, 2010)

Yup, he's got enough on his plate to deal with, so worrying about losing his job is just another thing he didn't need to have tossed on him.


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## jamestrd (Oct 26, 2008)

keithbuilders said:


> well i stop over at his house after i was done at the shop and told him take a couple days of and he broke down and cryed his heart out and he asked if he could still have his job and i said see u monday


Broke down and cried?

That alone deserves to get fired


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## Brian Peters (Feb 2, 2011)

jamestrd said:


> Broke down and cried?
> 
> That alone deserves to get fired


Come on man! What's wrong with breaking down and crying? Guess if you've never been there you wouldn't understand... 

I've been through similar things... minus the alcohol. It's not easy. There was a period in my life where I cried gallons... but with time it gets better.


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## CarlE (Mar 13, 2014)

*Lose Lose situation*

I know you're in a tough spot. But you're running a business, not a charity.

If he can come to work drunk, I'm sure he can be drunk when talking to customers. The last thing you want is people starting to post on yelp that you have drunk employees, or even worse him getting into a fight or otherwise making a fool out of himself.

If he is coming to work drunk, It's not helping him. If you keep on paying him even though he is coming to work drunk that makes it OK for him to be drunk and he will never get his act together. So he loses and you lose if you let him be drunk at work.

Unless he gets into rehab right away and gets a breath check every time he comes in for alcohol and is _more dedicated than ever_, then fire him.


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## Inner10 (Mar 12, 2009)

Brian Peters said:


> Come on man! What's wrong with breaking down and crying? Guess if you've never been there you wouldn't understand...
> 
> I've been through similar things... minus the alcohol. It's not easy. There was a period in my life where I cried gallons... but with time it gets better.


It's what separates the men from the pussies.


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## Brian Peters (Feb 2, 2011)

Inner10 said:


> It's what separates the men from the pussies.


Some men keep things bottled up...some turn to alcohol, some turn bitter at life, some go off and hang themselves, everyone deals with things differently I suppose.


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## hdavis (Feb 14, 2012)

People have to show up neat. clean, and at least apparently straight.


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## brunothedog (Sep 8, 2013)

You have only one of 2 options,
1. kick a man when he is down, or
2. help him up

its not that hard if you have a good heart, you should know what to do.
if not, fuk him, the business is more important


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## jamestrd (Oct 26, 2008)

Brian Peters said:


> Come on man! What's wrong with breaking down and crying? Guess if you've never been there you wouldn't understand...
> 
> I've been through similar things... minus the alcohol. It's not easy. There was a period in my life where I cried gallons... but with time it gets better.


Been through the whole X thing...no other man though.just because I'm a prick.
The best part if it all was when she finally left.
til then was a living hell.
the only thing hard about it was my son.
its his tears that got his soon to be X in bed with another man..metaphorically speaking of course.Inner summed it up.


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## Brian Peters (Feb 2, 2011)

Guess I should clear something up...when I said I had broken down and cried my heart out, it was when I was alone; not on the job, not in front of anyone but God...


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## rex (Jul 2, 2007)

When I put my dog down this past December. I carried his alive 120 pound body in the vet crying, laid on the ground sobbing while he was on his way out and paid my bill crying, drove home crying and starting to well up thinking of him right now. 

As for anything else only pussies cry!


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## Okiecontractor (Oct 15, 2012)

rex said:


> When I put my dog down this past December. I carried his alive 120 pound body in the vet crying, laid on the ground sobbing while he was on his way out and paid my bill crying, drove home crying and starting to well up thinking of him right now.
> 
> As for anything else only pussies cry!


Never been much on crying. I'm 1/4 Choctaw so I kinda get their lack of emotion from that and I grew up on a ranch and around a bunch of manly men doing construction so I was "taught" early not to cry or you'll get made fun of or call a wuss. But throw my dog in the mix and it'll hurts me every time. He's my best bud and I hate thinking of him not being with me.


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## Jaws (Dec 20, 2010)

I was raised like Okie, havent cried since I was a child, even alone. Ill admit, I welled up when I held my daughter for the first time and when I buried my bird dog 5 years ago. 

But that dont make you a bad ass, or tough or anything else. For some it probably makes them passive aggressive to hold their emotions in. 

Ive seen some tough SOBs cry. I didnt feel like they were wuss's, or like Brian or the OPs foreman is. My wife said it is a shortcoming on my part to not be able to express my emotions properly. Proper to her is crying, proper for me is to deal with it internally. Everyone is different. She does get on to me for telling my daughter not to cry and keep it to herself. Shes only 4, but its never too early.


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## Jaws (Dec 20, 2010)

To the OP, I give second chances to the good ones, never third chances.


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## hdavis (Feb 14, 2012)

What's this crying stuff everyone's talking about?


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## CarpenterSFO (Dec 12, 2012)

hdavis said:


> What's this crying stuff everyone's talking about?


Everyone's sharing, getting in touch with our inner selves. Well, I gotta go finish a slab - is someone gonna tell me where they hid my wooden floats, or do I have to start crying?


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## hdavis (Feb 14, 2012)

CarpenterSFO said:


> Everyone's sharing, getting in touch with our inner selves. Well, I gotta go finish a slab - is someone gonna tell me where they hid my wooden floats, or do I have to start crying?


Harda$$ - I'll give you something to cry about, now go find your floats:laughing:


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## WBailey1041 (Jan 31, 2014)

keithbuilders said:


> well i stop over at his house after i was done at the shop and told him take a couple days of and he broke down and cryed his heart out and he asked if he could still have his job and i said see u monday


Good for you. Shows character. Just be sure to draw the line with actions instead of words. If he falls on his faced again take it as a sign of him disrespecting your generosity. You will sleep good at night knowing you did all you could when everyone else screamed abandon ship.


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## Spencer (Jul 6, 2005)

Jaws said:


> I was raised like Okie, havent cried since I was a child, even alone. Ill admit, I welled up when I held my daughter for the first time and when I buried my bird dog 5 years ago.
> 
> But that dont make you a bad ass, or tough or anything else. For some it probably makes them passive aggressive to hold their emotions in.
> 
> Ive seen some tough SOBs cry. I didnt feel like they were wuss's, or like Brian or the OPs foreman is. My wife said it is a shortcoming on my part to not be able to express my emotions properly. Proper to her is crying, proper for me is to deal with it internally. Everyone is different. She does get on to me for telling my daughter not to cry and keep it to herself. Shes only 4, but its never too early.


Same here. Haven't cried since I was a kid. There have been times I've wanted to but I don't know how. It was the way I was raised by my dad. And for the record I don't think its a good thing. 

One of these days a life event will come that breaks me and I have a feeling the chits gonna hit the fan.


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## pcplumber (Oct 12, 2008)

The problem I see with most relationships is people have unhealthy relationships because they trust their partners too much. There was a book written about 30 years ago called 'Obsession' and it talked about having a healthy amount of mistrust and how not to become obsessed. It talked about how people should think about trust so they are prepared for the things they hope won't happen, but often happen when most-unexpected. 

No man should ever be sad over a relationship. Tell him to go to filipinahearts.com, get a beautiful wife who will love and worship him for the rest of his life and if that woman doesn't work out give her the boot and get another. Look at the breakup as a blessing. The healthiest relationships are when people are not needy, when they don't need each other and when both people can live with or without the other. I love my wife, but if she leaves me I know for a fact I will find another woman within a few days who is younger, prettier and she will give me everything that a man can want. I would never let a woman make my life miserable for one minute.

Send your employee to rehab. Just an hour ago, I told one of my employees not to come to work tomorrow because he is drinking too much. I told him I would pay him $1000 per week for the next 30 days if he goes into a 30-day rehab. That $4,000 will be cheaper than hiring and training a new employee and my employee will be devoted to me for life.

As for crying, that is a strange subject and I don't know why people cry, but about 20 years ago my father-in-law died instantly from a stroke. I loved my father-in-law and he worked with me in my plumbing truck for several years. I did not shed one tear when he died, but 30 days later my Shar-Pei died while giving birth (payback). I cried for more than a week and I got choked up and tears in my eyes for just about 15 years every time someone mentioned that dog. The human mind is very strange. At least, my mind is!


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## Spencer (Jul 6, 2005)

pcplumber said:


> The problem I see with most relationships is people have unhealthy relationships because they trust their partners too much. There was a book written about 30 years ago called 'Obsession' and it talked about having a healthy amount of mistrust and how not to become obsessed. It talked about how people should think about trust so they are prepared for the things they hope won't happen, but often happen when most-unexpected.
> 
> No man should ever be sad over a relationship. Tell him to go to filipinahearts.com, get a beautiful wife who will love and worship him for the rest of his life and if that woman doesn't work out give her the boot and get another. Look at the breakup as a blessing. The healthiest relationships are when people are not needy, when they don't need each other and when both people can live with or without the other. I love my wife, but if she leaves me I know for a fact I will find another woman within a few days who is younger, prettier and she will give me everything that a man can want. I would never let a woman make my life miserable for one minute.
> 
> ...


Got to love man's best friend. Reason is probably because you won't find to many on this earth as loyal as your dog.


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## EthanB (Sep 28, 2011)

Sounds like some of you wusses are too chicken to show your true emotions to other people.:laughing:

Seriously though, I think culture is a huge part of how we manifest our emotions. I'm from a pretty ******* New England area and most guys up there would rather eat rat poison than cry. I've known people from other cultures(Greek comes to mind) that were very open with their emotions and shared them, whether happy or sad, far more than most guys.

I've learned to be more open and share my emotions, especially when it's a benefit to others. I don't think it matters whether you cry, or not, as long as you allow yourself to actually feel the emotion. I can't stand macho dudes who look at me like I have three heads when I join in on the "little girl" activities with my daughter and her friends. They probably spend their day doing accounting or some crap, I've been in construction my whole life, knocked guys out, given myself stitches and wear a tutu when my daughter wants me to. Deal with it.


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## Jaws (Dec 20, 2010)

EthanB said:


> Sounds like some of you wusses are too chicken to show your true emotions to other people.:laughing:
> 
> Seriously though, I think culture is a huge part of how we manifest our emotions. I'm from a pretty ******* New England area and most guys up there would rather eat rat poison than cry. I've known people from other cultures(Greek comes to mind) that were very open with their emotions and shared them, whether happy or sad, far more than most guys.
> 
> I've learned to be more open and share my emotions, especially when it's a benefit to others. I don't think it matters whether you cry, or not, as long as you allow yourself to actually feel the emotion. I can't stand macho dudes who look at me like I have three heads when I join in on the "little girl" activities with my daughter and her friends. They probably spend their day doing accounting or some crap, I've been in construction my whole life, knocked guys out, given myself stitches and wear a tutu when my daughter wants me to. Deal with it.


You learn a lot about yourself playing teaparty and ring around the rosy with the little princess 

Id rather play teaball or soccer with her, but I have picked up some interesting personality traits from her in those tea sessions :thumbsup::thumbup:

Still not crying though :no::laughing:


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## Jaws (Dec 20, 2010)

Spencer said:


> Same here. Haven't cried since I was a kid. There have been times I've wanted to but I don't know how. It was the way I was raised by my dad. And for the record I don't think its a good thing.
> 
> One of these days a life event will come that breaks me and I have a feeling the chits gonna hit the fan.


I personally dont think it is bad. Kids who cry get picked on. Plus, crying does nothing for you or anyone else. It is viewed as a weakness by society whether it is or not.

The lessons that go with teaching kids not to cry are important. Probably more so than the not crying.


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## EthanB (Sep 28, 2011)

Jaws said:


> Still not crying though :no::laughing:


Something tells me that when our daughters hit 15 we're both going to be crying. And maybe their prospective boyfriends...


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## instock (Nov 17, 2012)

Don't fire him. 

Pick up a Breathalyzer for 50 bucks at the drug store. (http://tinyurl.com/ombzcne) Test him first thing in the morning and maybe a couple more times throughout the day. If he blows anything over a 0.00, apologize and send him straight home. No excuses, or arguments, or guilt, or whatever. It's black and white. 

If he can be sober 2 days a week, let him work those 2 days. He needs the job and you need him. But I agree 100% that you can't have him working under the influence.


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## blacktop (Oct 28, 2012)

EthanB said:


> Something tells me that when our daughters hit 15 we're both going to be crying. And maybe their prospective boyfriends...


Yep! It comes up on ya pretty quick!


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